Life can change in an instant and it can also change imperceptibly slowly so much so that at the time you don’t even know it is changing and it’s not until years have passed that you can see clearly the changes between then and now and it can change at every rate inbetween.
In this week’s blog in honour of the fact that today is International Women’s Day I’m sharing 3 short stories about 3 women who have impacted and influenced my life and the woman I am today.
These 3 women changed my life in a wonderful mix of quick, slow and ongoing ways.
The reason I have chosen these 3 women (there’s plenty more) is because they are very different from one another and have touched my life during very different stages.
I was a different woman at each interaction and it’s fun to reflect on the number of lives I’ve lived in my realistically trifling short 31 years on this planet.
- His Grandma
One evening while playing a lively game of Bananagrams with my then boyfriend and his grandma, his grandma made a comment about our pile of stuff (clothes, food, shoes etc) that we’d unceremoniously dumped into a corner while we visited her.
In a whimsical off hand way, she said it reminded her of her now passed husband and how he used to always leave his clothes on the floor. Right beside but never in the washing basket she said.
Her eyes glazed as she told us just how much it had annoyed her.
How she’d wished he’d just put them in the damn basket. Two more centimetres and he would have got them in she said as her focused remained on our small and messy pile of possessions.
It was her next words that struck me more than I could have anticipated “oh what I would have given, what I would give to see his clothes on the floor again”.
I remember going to the bathroom and crying.
Silent, heavy, full tears that felt like they came directly from my soul.
I remember looking at myself in the mirror of that small white bathroom, yellow top, long hair, tanned skin, wet cheeks and in that moments my life honestly changed forever.
Since then, any time someone I love and who loves me does something that may have once annoyed me or would annoy others I remember her words and all I feel is love and gratitude for their existence in my life.
It is so ingrained into me now that it happens automatically. I am sure the more annoying someone is the more my heart expands for them! They’re annoying and they’re alive and they’re in my life and I love it.
Thank you, Patricia.
2. My Co-worker
A lifetime ago I was on my dietetics placement working at the Townsville Hospital.
I was stuck, scared and sick.
And getting sicker.
No one at my work showed any concern about my deteriorating health, which at the time I would most likely have been relieved by because I hated having any attention on me but in hindsight seems absurd and is a clear sign that the stigma associated with eating disorders is alive and thriving.
Eventually two of my supervisors took me aside and we had a chat in which I opened up about my struggles with anorexia nervosa.
They asked me to get checked out by a doctor. I took time off, did the requested medical and went back to work. They were surprised to see me back and requested that I see a specific doctor for the medical. A doctor who would not pass me.
I did this. The process was long, gruelling and quite honestly mean. Needless to say, I didn’t pass (I shouldn’t have passed the first but if you or a loved one has lived with anorexia nervosa you’ll know that not many health professionals know what to look for).
I didn’t go back to work.
I was admitted as a patient to the medical ward of the hospital I had just a couple of days earlier been working on.
My supervisor who up until this point had been hiding behind a facade of “care” saw me in emergency where I had to wait ecruciatingly long hours before being admitted, she wouldn’t let me eat any of the food my friend brought me and was nowhere to be seen for the duration of my stay following my admission.
It was during that hospital stay that I developed a great mistrust and dislike of bureaucratic protocol.
It was also during that time where the reality that it matters less what someone’s title, role or profession is and more who they are.
I felt betrayed, uncared for and alone.
In part because of you I’ve gone on to work with people in recovery from anorexia nervosa and other eating disorders in a capacity that is nothing like the way I was treated at that hospital.
In part because of you I am now a meaningful part of contributing to a change at the large-scale level of the hospital system throughout Australia and also right down at the micro level with working one-on-one with people living with eating disorders and their families to believe in and experience full recovery as a reality.
Thank you, Amy.
3. My Friend
I don’t know if words will ever encapsulate the gratitude I feel in my heart every time I think of you.
For sticking by me.
For listening to me.
For being patient with me.
For always being honest with me.
For loving me.
You give me full permission, love, and acceptance to be myself. To speak without agenda or fear of judgement. To simply be.
But more than that and beyond all that you changed my life through your simply being you. To me that is what it truly means to inspire.
So, what are some of the things about you simply being you that inspire me?
One high up one is your ability to keep a curious mind. Even in areas where you know so much you always ask and rarely assume. You give people a chance to speak and share and aren’t afraid to admit you don’t know and to learn.
Another is you are kind first. You are unbelievably kind but in a way that is respectful and powerful and does not allow for others to take advantage of you. You are kind to yourself first and in a world where I hate to say it, but it still feels women are often taught to put others first and be everything for everyone else but themselves that is inspirational.
The last couple of years that you’ve held such a special position in my life you’ve changed my life and the interesting thing about it is that it was my offer to help you out of a time in your life when you were struggling that really was the true beginning of our friendship.
I never could have imagined when I made what, at the time was to me an inconsequential offer of help, would lead to and how the next few years of our lives would play out and how important we would become to one another.
Thank you, Zofia.
Summary
For as long as I can remember I’ve been an independent soul.
I never had celebrities or idols I looked up to, aspired to be like or people I put on a pedestal above others.
For as far back as I can remember I’ve always believed we are equal. That title, position, income, age are not signs for how much respect or worth someone has compared to others. That we can learn from everyone and that if you give anyone half a chance they can teach you amazing things.
More and more I’ve been recognising and enjoying reflecting on the people in my life who’ve truly influenced me in big and small ways and more and more I’ve been opening my life to being influenced by others because I think we all have so much to teach. I think you miss out an inconcievable amount by “going it alone.”
I love the feeling of immense gratitude I get when I think about the people in my life who have influenced me and impacted my feelings, thoughts, choices, actions and ultimately the woman I am today.
I love the thought that this is ongoing and there will be many more to come.
If you would like to write in the comments below or share with me directly 3 women who have influenced your life and the person you are today and why I would love to hear!?
With my whole heart I hope you found this information useful and inspiring.
Become Great. Live Great.
Bonnie.
