This blog is a continuation from last weeks blog Why I Use NLP to Help My Clients Succeed: 7 of the Most Useful Lies of NLP. In it I’m sharing a further 5 of the 16 NLP Presuppositions. I love that these presuppositions are otherwise known as the lies of NLP to remind us that we can never know anything for certain and most of all to be playful, curious and never take ourselves too seriously!
If you want a more in-depth introduction on the NLP presuppositions click this link to read my earlier blog, Why I Use NLP to Help My Clients Succeed: 7 of the Most Useful Lies of NLP because for now we’re going to jump right in with 5 more incredibly useful presuppositions (lies) of NLP beginning with…
- The Map is Not the Territory
People respond to the experience, not the experience itself.
Do you know someone who’s been through similar experiences to you and who has had a completely different or even slightly different reaction or response?
Even if you can’t think of a particular situation where this has happened right now, I am sure you can imagine that with more than 7 billion of us human beings on this planet there are bound to be people who’ve gone through fairly similar experiences and it’s likely given the sheer number of us that at least some of those people have reacted differently to each other in those situations, right?…
This NLP presupposition recognises that each of us represents the world internally to ourselves in myriad different ways based on the life we’ve experienced up until that point. It recognises that the response we give to anything which happens in our life is largely dictated by our internal maps and recognises that the map is not the thing itself. The map is a representation of that thing.
The map is just one of many representations or attempts to understand or describe that thing which may or may not be “right”.
2. Accept the Person, Change the Behaviour
One of the things I love about NLP is that it works on the premise that all human beings have equal worth.
It promotes accepting the person as they are, recognising and treating them with respect by knowing that while they display non-useful behaviours or even harmful behaviours, they are fundamentally ok at their core in so far as being a human being.
NLP holds the value or worth of each person constant, that cannot be increased nor decreased. This way of thinking gives us room to observe our behaviours more objectively and without the shame and judgement that we “should” be doing differently and it is from this place that we are far more likely to make those changes we want to make.
3. Any Behaviour Was the Best Choice We Had at the Time
This is one that comes up in my work frequently. Perhaps daily. It was also one that came up for me a lot when I lived with anorexia nervosa.
People often express frustration, anger or sadness that they “should” have done differently.
They “should” have known.
Sometimes people are talking about things they did that day and sometimes they are talking about things they did many years ago.
The truth is that there is nothing we “should” have done.
NLP assumes that in any given moment we make the best choice we are capable of at that time and that in order to know the outcome of that choice and to have chosen differently we needed the space that comes between that choice and now. Which we did not have back when we made the initial decision.
4. Work with Structure, Not Content
This one has been a life changing one for me and ultimately foundational to all the work I do with clients in my private practice today.
Where NLP differs massively from more “traditional” therapies is that rather than look at the “content” of the problem, for example why something is the way it is or what the problem is about it looks at the structure of what is happening, that is how someone is doing what they are doing or how that situation is being created/maintained.
NLP is not concerned with changing the outside world because this isn’t always possible and instead focuses its time and energy on assisting people to change their internal representations. By changing how we are doing a problem we are able to feel differently and therefore naturally behave differently in response allowing the problem to become no longer a problem.
NLP is streamline and unapologetically outcome oriented which I adore because sometimes we’ve done all the talking, all the analysing of a problem we possibly can and clearly aren’t getting any closer to a solution. We can continue down that path of analysing and trying to understand but if we are truly after change versus understanding or seeking to feel understood in our problem NLP is an incredibly valuable tool through which we can bring about direct change, quickly and often painlessly.
5. If What You’re Doing Doesn’t Work Test Something Else
This one is powerful.
For so many years I continued to do the same things to recover from anorexia nervosa.
I didn’t want to give up on them too soon.
It is a common belief that if we just stick with or persist with something long enough, we will achieve the desired outcome eventually. In NLP we recognise that this is false. There is no amount of time that must pass in order to achieve the desired outcome if you are using a faulty strategy. It is only the right actions or strategy that will achieve the desired outcome.
This one reminds us that if you truly want to understand something we must first act! We can’t gain everything we need by purely learning, analysing and planning inside our minds. At some point you must take action because the action is far more valuable than the theory.
Summary
I doubt any of these presuppositions are ground-breaking revolutionary new territory for you but I hope after reading through these 5 presuppositions of NLP you can begin to gain an appreciation of how they may be useful ways of thinking about the world and approaching life. Even if some of them may at first challenge you!
Because the truth is that they are quite challenging, but so too are likely some of the ways you are already thinking about yourself and the world…
These 5 lies of NLP are recognised to be ways of looking at the world that allow us to be more successful than many other thought patterns and beliefs we may have developed throughout out life.
Which is exactly why I’m sharing them.
The beliefs and thoughts you have today that have been put there by default without your knowing let alone your choosing don’t have to stay there as your default forever. Isn’t that amazing to know!?
I think that’s amazing.
If you find these 5 presuppositions of NLP intriguing, I’d encourage you to spend some time considering how your life may change if you adopted some of these ways of thinking… then go out and practice, get the feedback and see which ones are of most value to you in your day-to-day life.
Remember nothing is set in stone and any choice you make today you can alter at any point in time.
Go forth and play!
With my whole heart I hope you find this information useful and inspiring.
Become Great. Live Great.
Bonnie.
