Forgiveness

I got out of the shower and dried the water from my skin,

gently,

deliberately,

kindly.

I darkened my eyelashes with mascara,

slowly put on clothes,

and for the first time in months, I looked at my reflection with warmth and sincere respect.

I sat with friends and heard myself making jokes,

Fearless.

And unconditionally loved for all that I was,

exactly as I was.

Authentically me.

I made plans without preapproval,

without second guessing

and shattered hope.

The freedom felt like a soft kiss,

and an exploding firework,

all at once.

I walked in the rain

and stopped in surprise when I found a smile on my lips,

so bright and full,

so

real.

And I realised how long it had been.

In those smallest of moments, I knew I’d made the right choice.

To let you go.

But most of all to let that version of me go.